I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
