the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
vagina is talking i cant
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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