Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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