You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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