are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
