I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
