what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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