***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
it glows. i had to have it.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
