okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
