don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
