got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize