The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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