It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
