I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
