the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
No more Irish car bombs ever.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
