I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
