Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
