needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
