I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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