Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
