I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
