I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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