even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
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I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
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And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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