please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
