So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
