she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
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That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
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THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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