It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
