Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
