he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
