Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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