When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize