no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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