You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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