no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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