she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
