End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
