My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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