He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I fill condoms, not promises.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
