Don't make out with my wife yet
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
