I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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