My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
