She is in my trunk
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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