just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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