So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
