How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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