And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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