that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
