jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
