If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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