Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
...so i touched it.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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