you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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