Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
