Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
