Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
