matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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