At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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