There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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