I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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