I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
