I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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