Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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