I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
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Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
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I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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