he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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