Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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