I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
