It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
