Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
