Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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